when i was a younger man, i was in therapy a lot.
absolutely saved my life. helped me untangle everything and stay alive.
that being said, hearing certain things from therapists has never been easy. there was of course the time my therapist told me i was a “petulant child” which was not altogether incorrect. (sorry mid twenties me and everyone affected by that mess of a person)
but, it was during one particularly challenging day at work, i used to be a pharmacy technician, i just could not keep it any more. the patients endlessly yelling at me, insurance companies not helping the people they were meant to serve, i just went on a rant.
my rant ended with me telling my therapist that when i called people on the phone i would hold my breath so that i didn’t annoy them with my breathing.
this is, of course, a whole other side of social anxiety that continues to rule my life with an iron fist, but it was the first time i vocalized this to someone other than myself.
her eyes got all wide and she said, “you are allowed to take up space and breathe, joe” which like, yes of course we are. but no one had ever said that to me. i still think it’s ridiculous that someone needed to even tell me this, but they did and i’m definitely better for it.
now, will i remember this and get back to my annoying too much self? who fucking knows.
tales from the cove 