i got down on the subway floor
face so close to whatever that fluid was
“is that fucking—oh my god, you’re crazy, dude!”

the way you laughed, the disbelief
made me feel proud
cause i was the type of guy who’d stick his face in piss to try and impress you

we sat in seats next to each other
should i hold your hand?
we got up for the little old lady with too many bags

hanging onto metal poles
trying to keep our balance
i swear you fell into me when the train was on the straightaway

did you do that on purpose?
i always wondered

our friends were there
i'd confided in them once
they watched me try to be someone i wasn’t in front of you
a thrilling game i never wanted to end

we could have a house in the country, made of branches and sparkles
we’d go outside in thunderstorms and really kiss this time
you wouldn’t have to stop and say,
“we can’t.”

big solid logs crackling in the fireplace
windows overlooking the frozen lake and eternally snow covered trees
white eclipsing green, cold smothering life
something spicy in the oven, talk radio in a different room

traced my fingers over your chest
your hand on my thigh
bliss, right here on this starchy couch
unburdened, somewhere in the mountains i should have run to
your hand absentmindedly reaches for—

at the station now
stepping into this underground world
do you want to stay down here too?

the little rattling reverie
closes with the doors of the train behind us
locked inside