your life, your very existence
is more than the ego's attempts at self aggrandizement 
i can never see myself 
in ways you thought you could

there's an aching emptiness of where we used to be
lisped, drunken voice notes
"i love you"s

maybe he heard

agonizing over change and parents who leave
grief is funny because
our youth only ever dies at once or not at all

"i feel like i always make you mad"
you said that to me once
like you weren't my reason
for everything 

maybe he heard that too

i hope your everything is safe and that you can take these little words out of my head and turn them into nothing, which is where we are now

floating out there, gasping for air?
god, i hope not.