i can see you up there in the mountains
climbing your way up to a life i've left behind

it’s so weird to see your friends
my friends once

but i was just visiting
wasn’t i?

do you remember crying on the floor?
not wanting it to be the end
scratching my fingernails into the wood
i'd hoped it'd hurt, but it had felt right

you know it would have been a nightmare
don't you?
an awful twisting dark
sleep paralysis on a never-ending loop

dark forests in new england
horse drawn wagon pulling us in
warm breath swirling around us
hot mead waiting inside
and the snow was falling so softly
a blanket i wanted to dive into 

but then i realized 
i didn’t love you for the first time 
and no amount of adventure
or honeyed wine could change me

i’m so relieved you’re happy
and i watch on wondering what would have happened
if i hadn’t been who i am