i don’t know. i’d like to say “oh i’m funny to the point where it’s like, can you stop please because did you know you’re actually really annoying?”
how i see myself is not how i think i appear because when i’m actually myself, people think something is wrong.
i remember one time my therapist quickly read me for filth and said, “so you do a character. an exaggerated, humorous version of yourself. you are constantly putting on a performance.”
i’d say that — i’m really good at creating this character. this (what i consider to be) massively transparent person who barely masks his depression with humor is like so faux cringe to me. but i can’t stop doing it! he’s gotten me through so much that at this point i think maybe it may have been me all along.
but the day i chose to just shed him off and be myself, i’m not joking, everyone asked me if i was okay and if i was depressed and if something was wrong and —
it just didn’t stop. it was so irritating that i decided i’d never do that again.
so anyway, if someone asked me how i’d describe myself i’d say that i’m whatever you need me to be.
tales from the cove 