i was just discussing this with a friend today, actually.

she’s about to head to new zealand and that’s the place i’d love to travel to the most. but alas, i am a poor human and travel to other places is something i cannot afford.

i fell in love with a boy there once — just through email, nothing crazy — but i always had this fantasy that i’d just go there and find him walking down the street one day.

i’d say, “sam?” and he’d say, “joe?” and even though we only last saw each other when we were 16 it would be like no time had passed and that every irreconcilable difference we had was resolved.

we’d enjoy the mountains together, taste cheeses, drink wine, and wonder why we’d left so much time lost to nothing.

his country would smell like mine and i’d think that absolutely everything i’d ever wanted from life stemmed from his approval.

unbeknownst to me, years later i’d actually fall in love, shatter my world into jagged fractures and hope that i’d meet another boy there. i’d try to get internships, look at apartments, figure out how to emigrate, all in the hopes that one day i’d stumble across a boy i was never supposed to be with.

i’m sorry if you’re still reading this. and i’m sorry that life can be so terribly sad.

i hope that one day i can visit this country that has connected me with humans who have taught me so many things and shaped me into who i am.